Favorite Scene Theater: Ed Wood (1994)

Arguably Tim Burton’s masterpiece, ED WOOD (1994), contains this wonderful moment with the shoestring director filming Bela Lugosi versus a limp octopus for his epic BRIDE OF THE MONSTER. Besides Johny Depp’s giddy portrayal and Martin Landau’s towering performance — one of the greatest in film history — the scene captures the serio-comic tragedy of Hollywood’s back stages; a proud actor struggling with his career as well as a giant rubber squid. It’s a poignant representation of the silver screen paradox, as is the whole amazing movie.

Landau really nails this sequence because less than ten years earlier, he was starring in a series of low budget (but not uninteresting) horror films such as WITHOUT WARNING and ALONE IN THE DARK. His screaming grapple with the octopus reduces me to tears of laughter, but Burton’s stark, objective staging invokes empathy for Lugosi in his monster movie twilight.

Godzilla Game – 1963

The Omen

“…putting this in God’s hands, that the right thing for America will be done at the end of the day on Nov. 4.”

Fright Factory Thingmaker – 1966

Too Cool for Ghoul!

A Townhall Without Pity

Where’s the funniest political satire on the web?

No, it’s not at THE DAILY SHOW or THE COLBERT REPORT.

It’s the web’s biggest Republican opinion site, Townhall.com. Here you can find all the accumulated wit and wisdom (and I use the word accumulate as a diminuitive) of the modern GOP media elite. The ringleader of TH is one Hugh Hewitt, who I have dubbed “Hugh Hyperbole” for his breathless, astoundingly wrong predictions and projections. He argued that Harriet Miers was a masterful Supreme Court pick, that the GOP would take both houses in 2006 and that Mitt Romney would be the GOP candidate for President, with his non-stop, hilarious “Romney Rising!” posts despite all evidence to the contrary. Hewitt teaches constitutional law at Chapman University in Orange County and it’s rather scary than a man so committed to denying reality is influencing young law-school minds. But you know all about the evils of academia.

I find it more insightful to peruse right-wing sites than left-wing, since I already know how I think. I’m always trying to find a bridge — or a rickety scaffolding in this case — over to the other side, and since TH is the leading site of modern conservative thought, just a glance through the comments should give any sane person pause. Yes, there are “nutters” (a favorite Hewitt word) on the left but the levels of violent irrationality on display at Townhall.com is scary as shit. Here’s one example:

Except the PC Nazis will likely frown on calling Obama a monkey or a chimp, or on caricatures that give him an ape face. Hypocritical double standard, you know.

There’s lots of these bon mots scattered through the site. And the rising fear and dread of an “Obammi” administration makes me envision a new movement of radical survivalists armed with all their readily-available firepower to defend or offend their unique “small town values” of paranoid xenophobia.

More important, one can see exactly where McPalin have received their talking points. The Townhall.com mantra is AYERS ACORN and WRIGHT. And the repeated dogma is that once McCain really uses this against Obama, the scales will fall from American eyes. Well, Team McCain has used this mantra. Repeatedly. To stunning indifference. Never mind that the unrepentant slime G.Gordon Liddy held fundraisers for a more unrepentant McCain, or that Reagan supporter Walter Annenberg actually funded Bill Ayers, or that Palin’s husband belonged to an Alaskan independence group for seven years. That dog don’t hunt on TH.

What’s more incredible is the level of denial on the site about the public’s perceptions of Obama versus McCain. These folk really do see themselves as the Last Great White Hope of America and their enemy is the media elites and those book-learnin’ God-fearin’ marxists. Who all hate America.

I have never seen such a collective delusional projection in my lifetime.

But I digress. Townhall.com is loads of funny. And in keeping with his stunning lack of insight, here’s Hugh Hewitt’s hilarious post today:

“What happened to push these numbers into the statistical tie? Obama’s lecture to Joe the Plumber about “spreading the wealth around.”

What will continue the favorable trend for McCain?  Joe Biden’s blunt warning of how the globe’s very bad guys would try and push the rookie around.”

A professor of law whose job is to instill facts and reason claims daily the race is “tightening” despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Somebody should alert Pew:

Barack Obama’s lead over John McCain has steadily increased since mid-September, when the race was essentially even. Shortly after the first presidential debate on Sept. 26, Obama moved to a 49% to 42% lead; that margin inched up to 50% to 40% in a poll taken just after the second debate. Currently, Obama enjoys his widest margin yet over McCain among registered voters, at 52% to 38%. When the sample of voters is narrowed to those most likely to vote, Obama leads by 53% to 39%.

So if you’re looking for a scary chuckle, head over to Townhall.com and find out how the other half of the asylum lives. And remember, Romney Rising!

Dolemite No More

Rudy Ray Moore, the original rapper, action star and human tornado has left this realm to go fuck up motherfuckers in the great boneyard.

It’s The Great Pumpkin Ad 1966

Retro-View: Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things (1972)

One of the best unsung cult zombie movies of the 1970’s also has one of the greatest genre titles ever: CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS. Directed by Benjamin “Bob” Clark, who would have an unusual career arc, from this to PORKY’S (1982) to CHRISTMAS STORY (1983) to BABY GENUISES (1999) to his untimely death along with his son in 2007; and co-written by and starring Alan Ormsby, who eventually scribed the delightful MY BODYGUARD (1979), this was their first film and CSPWDT stands in a grave all its own. I’d heard about this movie all through my misspent monster youth, as its unforgettable title and wicked poster popped up in various genre magazines. The reviews tended to be critical, especially for Ormsby’s scene-chewing and the comedic tone that pervades the first half, but most reviews noted the efficacy of the sequence with the zombies rising from their graves. Michael Weldon aptly summed it up in a classic Psychotronic blurb: “When the dead rise, the scares begin.”

The unpredictable Bob Clark directed four unique 70’s horror films (with Ormsby co-writing), the other three being DEATHDREAM (1974) a moody Vietnam era version of “The Monkey’s Paw”; DERANGED (1974), the best Ed Gein-based thriller; and the influential slasher hit BLACK CHRISTMAS (1975), (here’s my review from Tarantino’s 1999 festival). Clark did have an ability to shift between humor and horror, with CSPWDT being the most broad. The plot is simple and improbable, as an egomaniacal theatre director brings his cast of slavish actors to a remote island just to perform a voodoo ceremony involving the local graveyard — and its inhabitants. The director, also named Alan, is one of the most obnoxious leads in any genre film — of course, he is intended to be an overbearing ass. And his striped pants are incredible. Imagine John Waters writing James Lipton as a 1972 stage swinger and you’ll adore Ormsby’s apt, enjoyable performance. The young cast accurately captures the jealous vanity of a theatrical troupe, replete with awkward bantering and nervous laughter.

The film takes its sweet time before kicking into Zombie Attack Mode, and this suspenseful build-up is what makes CSPWDT so memorable. You almost forget you’re watching a horror film except for the genuinely creepy electronic soundtrack by Carl Zittrer underscoring the action. The make-up on Orville (called “Smedley” in the trailer), the deceased, rotting ceremonial subject (also by renaissance man Ormsby) is quite effective. And once Alan’s voodoo benediction turns out to raise far too many of the dead, CSPWDT does becomes a scary, unrelenting horror film for the last 20 minutes.

As noted, the lengthy scene with the zombies crawling from the earth is still the best ever captured on film. Clark expertly conveys the unsettling atmosphere with a wonderful tracking shot of the undead rising from their graves. Harsh silhouettes frame them as they surround and grapple their victims. My favorite moment in CSPWDT is when Alan actually pushes back one of his actors into the zombie horde to save himself, and even the ghouls pause to note his cowardice. Rest assured that Alan gets his due in the final nerve-wracking moments of the film. The last chilling shot could almost be seen as a prologue to Lucio Fulci’s ZOMBI (1980) if one wanted to program a cool walking dead double-feature.

Although there’s little gore (rated PG!), there’s enough suspense and visceral shocks in CSPWDT to satisfy any genre fan. As it stands, CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS is easily in my top five echelon of zombie films. The lo-fi enthusiasm of the cast and filmmakers gives it a special place in genre exploitation and I dare you to watch this 70’s gem alone late at night…or like Alan, you could invite a few friends over…

Dr. Tongue’s 3-D Evil House of Pancakes

We all remember Count Floyd and this classic from “Monster Chiller Horror Theatre”…right?

The Monster Times

If FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND was the TIME of scifi/horror magazines, and CINEFANTASTIQUE was THE NEW YORKER, then THE MONSTER TIMES would have to be THE VILLAGE VOICE of genre publications in the 1970’s. For one thing, it was literally a newspaper, printed on awkward, unfolding sheets just like your average daily. Published in New York and sharing editors from NATIONAL LAMPOON, I loved THE MONSTER TIMES and eagerly awaited each new spindly issue when or where it popped up on newstands. The covers were bold and colorful, each issue had its own full length poster, and their sensibility was Counter-Culture East Coast Smart-Ass.

But they loved them monster movies and could cast a wise critical eye on the genre. I first learned about Herschell Gordon Lewis in TMT, apropos in their memorable “Worst Issue Ever” celebrating all things bad in horror and discovered the late-nite symbology of the phrase “Panic In New York: Menagerie Breaks Loose” on movie newspaper headlines. I also loved the “Hugo Headstone” comic in some issues that poked inside fun at the dedicated fans.

I was excited by their previews of upcoming films I would not be seeing at my tender age; I couldn’t even look at the photo of Leatherface from their review of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974). But they encompassed other areas of sub-culture, devoting pages to the great MARS ATTACKS! cards; the X-rated spoof FLESH GORDON; and even Jack Kirby comics. The editors loved to needle some creature named “Nixon,” giving the paper a political bent all its own (and teaching me to forever more use the word “bent”). Most important, they were big Godzilla fans and gave him as much print as they could, even nominating him for President in 1972. It would sure be a different country if he had won.

THE MONSTER TIMES only lasted a few years from ’72 – 1976, but it left an impression on me, not only for its catholic taste in genre fare, but for its street-wise cynical tone. TMT was not built to last, what with the pulpy paper that frayed at the edges (though I still have all of mine in fairly good shape) and they were notorious for sprucing up images with unwanted inky flourishes. Still, there was nothing like going to Comics & Comics in downtown Sacramento to find a lurid new edition with Gamera or WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS on the wide cover…O’ Ghoul Days!

CUT! Special Halloween Edition

Back into the dust bin of excised film history and this time with an All Hallow’s genre list.

CREATION (1930) – Legendary stop motion pioneer Willis O’Brien had achieved popular success with the release of THE LOST WORLD (1925) and this was to be his magnum dinosaur opus for RKO, a simple tale of a submarine crew who end up on an island trapped in jurassic time. After a year of expensive and intricate effects work, only a few reels of film had been shot, two of which remain and are pretty cool. RKO cancelled the production. That’s when old-school producer Merian C. Cooper and his partner Ernest B. Shoedsack stepped in to save the film with their own story. Both were adventurer/filmmakers who fought in two war or three wars and travelled to remote, dangerous outposts to capture the wonders of the world on film. Cooper had an idea about a giant ape on an island…

HOUSE OF DARK SHADOWS (1970) – After the huge pop cultural success of the DARK SHADOWS TV soap opera, the studio rushed this into production and at least 30 minutes were sliced from Dan Curtis’s first preview version, yet it was a big hit. Some have claimed to see this version at drive-ins, but nobody has yet to find a complete print. This site has a complete list of the excised scenes. HODS is a fun, moody, gothic horror film and far more bloody than the TV series. Like the great ad tempted, “Come see how the vampires do it.” The sequel, NIGHT OF DARK SHADOWS (1971) was also heavily cut after release.

THE WICKER MAN (1973) – It took me a long long time to finally see this ultimate cult pagan thriller that became a minor cause de celbre among film afficiandos of the 1970’s. The late great CINEFANTASTIQUE magazine started the critical support by devoting a cover story to the film and its star, Christopher Lee. Enough has been written about TWM so I don’t want to contribute much more to the gene pool, but if you haven’t seen it, do so. Now. A beautifully acted and written (by Anthony Shaffer) suspense mystery musical (yes), the film suffered a series of drastic cuts by the uncaring producers, eliminating character backgrounds and whole sequences, such as Lee’s wonderful night ode to nature while a young ward is initiated by Britt Ekland into manhood (no wonder he considers Lord Summerisle to be his favorite role). While some fascinating workprint scenes remain and were added to DVD versions last year, the full complete negatives are said to be buried under an English highway.

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (1982)/FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3-D (1983) – Somewhat embarrassed by the spectacular success of FRIDAY THE 13TH in 1980, Paramount Pictures treated their influential money-making slasher series like an unwanted step-child, especially after Siskel & Ebert went after the films in a famous early episode of SNEAK PREVIEWS (and Ebert defended his love of LAST HOUSE OF LEFT (1972) in a later episode). The MPAA cut only a few seconds out of FRIDAY THE 13TH, mainly involving an extra shot of an arrow twisting in Kevin Bacon’s throat.

After the HALLOWEEN/FRIDAY THE 13TH imitations reached a bloody crescendo, the MPAA was ruthless with the remaining FRIDAY THE 13TH films. Almost every single murder was cut down to the bone (ha), including such indelible moments as two lovers getting speared from FT13TH PART 2, and the acrobat’s entire body cleaved in half from the wild and wacky FT13TH PART 3 IN 3-D, which I saw opening night on Friday the 13th with one of the greatest screaming audiences ever. You have to treasure a film that has a three dimensional flying eyeball. The original climax of FT13TH3-D also had the heroine getting her head cut off by Jason, which I think would have been fine instead of the more subtle bubbles on the lake. I’ve also always wanted to see the original ending shot for FT13TH PART 2, a slow zoom-in to Mrs. Voorhees withered head on a table…as her eyes open and she smiles. Brrrr.

THE FOG (1980) – John Carpenter’s anticipated follow-up to his ground and record breaking HALLOWEEN was this Val Lewton ghost story throwback to an earlier era of mysterious supernatural horror. Check out the rare nifty teaser trailer here. Sadly, Carpenter felt he might have played it too old-school, as he felt the first cut was a disaster, lacking the scares and shocks that modern audiences craved. He re-shot new scenes, including more gore,; the cool close-up of Rob Bottin’s “Wormface”; Adrienne Barbeau pursued by the undead pirates atop the lighthouse; and the “shock” ending. Interestingly, Carpenter felt the same way about HALLOWEEN II and re-shot new bloody scenes against director Rick Rosenthal’s objections. I like THE FOG for its misty horror movie atmosphere and there are some effective Carpenter set-pieces, but it would be fascinating to see his first cut and measure its subtly against the visceral re-cut version.

CREEPSHOW (1983) – George Romero and Stephen King’s terrific, affectionate tribute to the gruesome 1950’s E.C. Comics is one of my favorite genre films, with a fun ensemble cast and a perfect tone. Featuring some of Tom Savini’s best make-up effects including a fantastic corpse in “Father’s Day,” creepy water ghouls in “Something To Tide You Over,” and a wild claw-filled monster in “The Crate,” the film also duplicates the garish lighting of Mario Bava and comic book panels come to life. Even Leslie Nielson is excellent as one of the bad guys who’ll get what’s coming. The film ends on a gross comic high-note with E.G. Marshall chewing up the scenery along with thousands of cockroaches.

However, about 12 minutes was removed before the film was released, including more backstory sequences in “Father’s Day” and a whole sequence of a dismembered hand crawling after Leslie Nielson. Also shorn was the final image to “The Crate” — instead of the rather lackluster one of the monster bursting through the underwater box, originally the scene ended with Adriene Barbeau’s ravaged head floating up. Maybe we’ll get a more complete disc set at some point with all the scenes available for perusal. Or else.

TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME (1992) – One of the most creepy unsettling TV shows of all time remains David Lynch’s TWIN PEAKS, the audacious 1990 cult phenomenon that put Lynch on the cover of TIME magazine and gave weight to the question, “Who Killed Laura Palmer?” TWIN PEAKS was the only show I would stay home on a Saturday night for, and I reveled in the genuine esthetic subversion of the series. TP had a weird, wonderful ambiance, yet the characters had a personal warmth that made such a dangerous town attractive. This was also the last time a TV series would frighten me, especially any scene with the supernatural killer “Bob.”

Because TWIN PEAKS ended on an unsatisfying anti-climatic note (Lynch told me himself that “we killed the golden goose” by solving the Laura Palmer murder) fans clamored for resolution and more of their beloved characters. Lynch perversely responded with one of his most abstract experimental films that alienated fans of the show by jettisoning almost every regular from the series — even though all had made filmed appearances. TP:FWWM focused on Laura Palmer’s debauched final days leading to her murder and is a polarizing movie among Lynch and TP fans. When I asked him about providing a “director’s cut” to include the excised footage, he told me, “I already made the director’s cut.” But there have been attempts to release the deleted scenes and Lynch has allegedly remastered the footage but various rights issues remain. This site has the most complete info on what many TWIN PEAKS fans would like to see someday.

Final Round

River City Republicans Drowning

Craig MacGlashan has taken down this attractive incitement to vote against Obama on the official website for the Sacramento Republican Party. Guvn’r Terminator is shocked. Apparently, he was the only one.

And ironically, today we find out that Bush did indeed authorize torture, i.e., waterboarding:

The Bush administration issued a pair of secret memos to the CIA in 2003 and 2004 that explicitly endorsed the agency’s use of interrogation techniques such as waterboarding against al-Qaeda suspects — documents prompted by worries among intelligence officials about a possible backlash if details of the program became public.

Joe Six-Pack

Neal Hefti Swings On

One of the 1960’s most swingingest composers was Neal Hefti, who established his pop icon status with the hit theme song to the camp classic TV series “Batman” (1966) and the bizarro LORD LOVE A DUCK (1966). He contributed one of the most infectious themes in film history with THE ODD COUPLE (1968). And his catchy big band piece, “Gotham City Municipal Swing Band” was one of the great music cues from the beloved “Creature Features with Bob Wilkins.” In the spirit of Neal Hefti and the Halloween season, here’s a trailer for WATCH HORROR FILMS: KEEP AMERICA STRONG, an upcoming documentary on Wilkins, the legendary Northern California TV horror-host (George Lucas was a young fan) that includes Hefti’s brassy song: